dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
