cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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