I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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