I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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