I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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