When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize