then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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