"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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