Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
