Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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