i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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