Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
