You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
