i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
