took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
