I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
i think my cat just said my name.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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