First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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