I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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