I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
