I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
