And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
