my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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