i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
