So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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