and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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