Just cropdusted the office
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
