I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
