so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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