White coat. Heels.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
