if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
