watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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