They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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