There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Even my vagina gasped.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
