the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
