White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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