She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
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