So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
