Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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