i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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