doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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