Sponge bath it is.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
