dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize