oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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