I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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