Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize