Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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