He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
are you so shy because you have an std?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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