i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
