THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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