so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
