I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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