Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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