nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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