I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
