I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
