have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
zippers are such a cool invention
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
What drink are we having for lunch?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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