you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
