Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
