you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
