Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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