My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Shame is for Republicans.
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