mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
