That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
