I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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