Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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